Friday, February 25, 2005

Summary

Here is a summary of all my poems:

I am sad
I am stupid
My heart is empty
I am hopeless

rinse, repeat,
The End

The Stars Shine Brighter Now

The air is fuzzy with the sparse fog
Glowing around the street lights
Pierced at the middle of the lamp
Dispersed out and reflects from the pools
When its strength fades
The heavy darkness pushes in
Cool dripping rain falls
Tears of the mist slide down window panes

Under the lights they walk over the cracked concrete
Her shoes click along the wet and rough pavement
He is by her side
Watching the soft glow of the sreet lights brush across her face
She turns to him
He smiles as he looks into her eyes, now dark and calm with the night
But still gleaming and bright with each passing light

He offers his arm, she accepts
They walk in syncronization
Bound to each other, arm in arm
Holding each other like links of a chain
Physically, and also, they hold the others heart to cradle tenderly

Time stops when a moment is perfect
Miles pass, the sound of her voice never ceases to please him
By the end of the night
He didn't remember how long they had walked
He didn't remember how long they had talked

Embracing, her light hands brush across his shoulders
He breathes in her sweet smell and closes his eyes
He had forgotten what it had been like to embrace
To be encircled in soft arms
Held in warm arms

The clocks wind around again
He will go home and dream of the time the stars stood still
And that angel stole the heart of one who had been cold
She breathed into and gave new life to a hard heart
Revived, he could now live once again

Thursday, February 24, 2005

You/Me

You are my hate
Boiling my blood
Rushing through my body
Racing past my never beating heart
Soon to be dripping from my wrists

You are the noose
A chord to grip my neck
Cut off my air supply
Swinging back and forth
A limp puppet on a string

You are the shove
Sending me over the edge
You you are the rocks in the valley
To crack my head
Shatter my spine

You are the blade
The knife to dig in
Cutting through flesh
Ripping my veins apart
A razor to set me free

You are the trigger
The bullet that enters my skull
A pin to strike the primer
The barrel in my mouth
An unforgiving explosion

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Fugitive

How would it feel
To run from life
To break the chains that bind
Snap the chords that tie
Run faster than ever before
Escape the pain of living
Never look back
Never turn around
Brush the sleep from your eyes
Wipe the blood from your wrist
Break the hourglass
No regrets of leaving
The wasteland to your back
Darkness behind
The light in your eyes

Share your Tears

I feel your sadness
I know the crush of loneliness as much as you
Your pain is my pain
Your sorrow is mine
I can feel you shaking
Your tears run down my face
Your sobs ringing in my ears
Your broken heart
Breaks mine
I would embrace you, hold you, protect you
If I knew you wanted it from me
If i was important enough to you
If it would mean anything

Tubes and Needles

When I am laid in that bed
Under the bright lights
And beeping moniters
Nurses and doctors
Hover around me
Faceless, nameless
But with voices
Tubes
Snaking through my mouth and nose
Pumping oxygen into weak lungs
Needles streaming drugs into my body
Whether it is when im old and gray
Or after that glorious, terrible failed attempt
I want to see your face above mine when I wake
Your hand gently pressed against mine
If you are the first to visit me
I would smile for the first time
See you
For the first time all over again
I want you to be the last to say goodbye

Virus

Someone must have been pricked
A prick on the finger
Or the heart
Pricked
To bleed the blood
The blood runs
Seeps through
To the one who...
It trickles to the one that carried the virus
Feeding and growing from the byproduct
This is passed
Filtered through
To you, offspring
Spawned from the pools
Filtered to another who bled
To pour down the throats of children
And spatter upon the faces
The masks of those who surround
Soak the garments of your companions
Cycle through
The circle
Spiral forever
Always carry the disease
Carry... pass
Carry... pass
Share it share your wealth
The abundance of your treasure
It always grows
It always diminishes
Always destroys
The prick
Blood that dripped
Is the first of many
The drops bring us to our knees
Crumbles the foundations of our houses
The infected are many
Killing
Destroying themselves and each other
But the virus still prevails
Lives on forever

Remember

I remember how you were
How you used to be
How carefree
Doubting nothing
Not even yourself
Dancing and jumping
Running
Bright eyed and happy mouthed
Into warm arms
Comforted

Sunday, February 06, 2005

I could never be... Something

I am a song
Played softly
But once you turn up the volume
Loud enough to hear
You find I am not worth listening to

I am a heart
Upside down, broken, battered, calloused and hopeless
Black and cold, repulsive and ugly
If anyone saw it
They would never dare to come near

I am a page
Filled with lines and scribbles
A mess of black lines
Until you look closely
And read the story hidden

I am darkness
To run away from Light's presence
But to creep back
And peek in from her edge
She breaks my existence with her mere being

I am a noise
Only to be heard by those listening
A whisp of cloud, mist, always eluding grasp
Even my own
Invisible

I am death
Damned to live
Always dying
Never dead
Still here, still breathing

Friday, February 04, 2005

Diary of Self-Destruction part 3

Another late night. Another late fight, behind him, in the dust.

The headlights pushing into the night, asphalt rushing under the hood. Whir of the gears and the drumming of the pistons play a lullaby.

He is wide awake. Thinking. Staring at the fuzzy edge where the headlights diminish into the darkness.

The wheels hum along the pavement and thump over the cracks methodically. Gas spurting from fuel injectors and exhaust pumping out toxic fumes. Scream of the belts spinning and twisting, her screams still ringing in his ears. Her slap still hot and red on his face.

He pulls a cigarette out of its box, lights. Taking a drag, the warm glow reflects from the windshield, inhale. The bitter-sweet taste of chemicals, cancer, and destruction. Embracing his tar-filled lungs. Thats better, sweet nicotine, sweet sweet addiction. Remembering how he prayed for a bodybag with his name on it.

Still driving, still running, no one knows, no one cares. No radio tonight, there is too much spinning around in his mind to allow distractions. As the road turns away from a great tree, straight ahead. A tree with his name on it.

He clutches the steering wheel tighter. His knuckles white. Pressing the pedal against the floor. Gears, pistons, belts and rods all rushing in a fury to bring their operator to an end. A machine of destruction, messenger of death. All rushing as one being, one animal, straight into the mouth of death.

Sweet death, to never feel the burn of drawing another breath, agony of his blood pumping through his veins. Closer and closer, the tree bearing his name rushes toward him, as if to embrace. Gripping tighter and tighter, knuckles whiter, eyes wider, closer closer. Until, he hits, the steering wheel becomes his last meal. Hood to the tree in a bloody embrace. A wreck of twisted metal and organs.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Heart of Glass

I am cracked
I am fragile
Walking on the edge of a knife
Running on the razor edge
Heart gripped like a vice
Squeeze the life from me
My hatred for everything
Digs into my heart, calloused and hopeless
Shattered
The pieces fall from my hollow shell
No one to sweep up the shards
No one to notice

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Left alone to die

I sit alone
Scream alone
Slit my wrists
Alone
Alone because I dont need anything
I wouldn't need your sympathy even if you had any
I know you dont really care
My throat burns
Wrists sting
What if I told you I was going to die?
What if I told you I was going to die?
Tonight
Would it change anything?
Would your heart grow soft to see me
To see me bleed
See me cry

The Pit

I'll take you to a place
A place where the stench of sorrow
Mists in the air
Where gloom drips down the walls
The mud of loneliness covers the ground
Remnants of hollow lies ferment
Among the shallow promises
I long to be out of here
This place where perpetual nightmares linger
I hope against hope
And plead with the demons
To help me find my way out
But this place has become my home
Perhaps I will dwell in this chasm forever