Myself, the Murderer

Hands around my neck
I turn
But no one is there
The hands gripping are my own
Tighter and tighter
Fingers are digging into the flesh
Teeth clenched
Eyes squeezed shut
I wage this war against myself
I tell myself
"I would blow a hole in my skull for you
if only it would make you feel better"
Myself tells me
"Take this rope
it will only hurt for a second"